Last night at open mike night I forgot everything, and
played guitar and sang very much in the moment. It wasn’t my best performance.
When I finished, I told my friend who ran the audio board that I’d give myself
a ‘C’ for effort. Earlier, I had told another friend, who had forgotten the
words to his song, about forgetting the moves in T’ai Chi, and how, although we
often think that we have messed up, this can be perceived instead as a step
forward. Allow me to explain.
When, in class, a student forgot where they were in the form,
Mr. Chow would say, “Doesn’t matter. Just keep going.” As the years went by, I
noticed that this sometimes happened to everyone, even the Chows. What at first
seems to be a mistake can sometimes actually be a sign of real progress on the
meditative path
.
When we first learn something new, often we make a mental
list of the steps of the process, and then, while we practice, we refer to this
list in our mind as we perform the new activity. Of course, we then
congratulate ourselves on our new ability, and feel pride that we have attained
something.
At a higher level, once the lesson is actually practiced
enough times, we no longer need to refer to our “list”, or participate in the
internal “chatter” that often accompanies this referring process, all of which are actually extra,
un-necessary movements, and which can interfere with the elegant simplicity
of the performance.
In terms of awareness, the perfect performance would require
our entire attention. Any other brain/attention activity is a distraction, and
lessens the quality of the activity. So when we stop thinking and become
totally immersed in our activity, it is as though we are riding the bicycle for
the first time without training wheels. Although we might fall or forget the
words, the quality of the performance, whether one is making music, doing T’ai
Chi, or pouring tea, may attain a much more immediate quality and clarity in
which the true value of the activity is at last present.
Right brain and left brain activity can be considered here.
The left, analytical side is often used to break up a process into manageable sized
pieces, but sometimes an appreciation of the whole event can be integral to and
necessary for the occurrence of direct, unfiltered perception. This quality can
be associated with right brain, or more properly, the whole brain activity that
we may experience when we are totally immersed in the moment. This is not a bad
thing. What is lost is insignificant compared to the clarity which allows the
event to really move us, to really rock.
As we grow older and our memory abilities may lessen, this may
be balanced by the growth of our awareness, compassion, and attention. This
Wisdom may then replace the cleverness which was valued in our earlier years.
It is equally precious and can become what we now have to offer as we move from
the role of the one with a strong back to that of elder of the community.
Namaste
